Picking up a crying baby too often spoils them

What the research found

Health guidance is clear for young babies. One paediatric guide says you cannot spoil a young baby with attention. It says answering their calls for help means they will cry less overall. Australian hospital guidance describes crying as a baby's way of seeking closeness and comfort from a caregiver.

The research is thinner than the guidance. A 2020 editorial noted that parents have long debated prompt responding versus spoiling. It said few long-term observational studies have looked at the question.

A small 2022 pilot trial of 41 infants aged 4 to 12 months compared responsive sleep methods with controlled crying. Babies in the responsive group woke less, and their mothers reported less stress and fewer depressive symptoms. It was small and was not designed to test spoiling.

What it doesn’t mean

• The clearest guidance is about young babies in the first few months. It does not spell out how to respond to older babies or toddlers.
• Responding does not mean you must pick up your baby every single time. One guide says that if your baby is well, fed and safe, it is sometimes fine to leave them in a safe place like a cot for a short time.
• Constant crying is exhausting. If you feel overwhelmed, put your baby down safely and take a break. Talk to your GP or child health nurse about support, because excessive crying is a risk factor for abusive head trauma and can affect parents' mental health.