Apologising to kids makes parents look weak

What the research found

A 2025 study of 288 adolescents tested parental apologies in three phases. Apologies that focused on the young person's hurt were linked to more forgiveness and higher relationship satisfaction than defensive apologies or no apology. The researchers found limited links between parental apologies and how much authority teens saw their parents as having.

This is one study, and it looked at teenagers only. We found no research in the evidence that tested whether younger children see apologising parents as weak.

Other research looks at a different situation. Reviews from 2004 and 2020 found that parents who apologised during painful medical procedures had children who were more distressed. A 2007 review reached a similar conclusion. This is about calming a child in pain, not about how a parent is seen.

What it doesn’t mean

• Apologising to calm a child during a needle or medical procedure tends to raise distress. Distraction and humour work better, according to the 2007 review.
• How you apologise matters. The teen study found that defensive apologies did not help the relationship the way apologies focused on the young person's hurt did.
• The evidence on younger children is thin. If you are worried about discipline or your relationship with your child, a GP or child health nurse can help.